it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
