Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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