Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
