I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
