I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
