Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
