I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize