guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
