I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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