can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
