Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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