My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
