i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
