if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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