therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
