party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we're so committed to being not committed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
