btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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