i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
