he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize