last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
