Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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