i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
