Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
