On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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