its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't turn off my feet"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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