Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
