I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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