shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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