Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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