I feel like I'm in dance class right now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
