I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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