since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
