I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
