I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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