I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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