i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
