you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
