Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize