He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
