sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
