So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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