I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
