ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
