thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
