You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
