Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
