Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
