I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
