So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
