Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize