Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
