If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
