You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my liver is dry heaving
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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