Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
