i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
