i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
