Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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