woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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