I want to stick my p in your. b.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
