the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
