Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
