Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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