My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
