I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
