an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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