The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
