if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's just like the Real World with babies
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
